I love children, but I am not a traditional person or a planner. It was always hard for me to imagine “trying” to have a kid. My longest, most heteronormative relationship ended in March of last year. In 2013 I had gotten an IUD and in 2023 I planned to get another. Last July I stayed up late talking to someone new at a party. We shared so much, including the feeling when we got pregnant 3 months later that we wanted to keep the baby and be a family. So here we are. I am currently 38 weeks pregnant with a baby I never really expected to have.
I do not like being pregnant. I’ve been nauseated and scared. Two days after I found out I was pregnant, I had my IUD removed and a doctor told me I was at a high risk for miscarriage. The next day I had an ultrasound to rule out an ectopic pregnancy. Even now, I find myself laying on the couch desperately counting kicks sometimes because I haven’t felt the baby move in a while. It has been years since I’ve felt this anxious. It’s been years since I’ve cared so much about losing something that it could give me this kind of anxiety.
I love my baby. I love having a giant belly. Though I’ve been largely miserable, carrying this child has taught me a lot.
I am not afraid of labor. I’ve been doing self hypnosis and I feel calm about the natural process. My baby is currently in the “ideal position” for birth. I trust the baby and my body! I got pregnant despite having one of the best birth control methods around. My belly measures small, but the baby measures perfect size. Everything I’ve been afraid of doing wrong, the baby continues to grow and be healthy. So I know I just need to stay out of the way, and let my body do what it knows how to do.
Here are some photos taken between 35 and 38 weeks. The ultrasounds are from 28 weeks.